Sorry

So just deleted my twitter rant over this whole thing. Its hard living with mental illness, the depression and anxiety working with each other to bring you down and question everything you do. When I said I didn't have faith in 2018, I was really hoping that I'd be proven wrong. As such, things like this trigger me emotionally and after spending some time walking, the anxiety got the better of me and I deleted my twitter posts.

Sadly, this is how my life goes. You put something up, anxiety kicks in, followed by depression, which strengthens anxiety's point-of-view and so I end up removing things. What happen on Youtube today was a tragedy and the backlash the guy got was well deserved, but it is just another thing to throw on the pile, one massive pile of why these conditions are never taken seriously or people with them are attacked and discriminated against. One of the hardest parts of these conditions is getting people to understand it and to treat it with the seriousness and respectfulness it requires and this guy's actions have now made it all the more harder as his influence on his younger and impressionable viewers will make them treat things like suicide as more of a joke. Today we went backwards as a society, what he did was disrespectful to the victim, the victims family and the families of all suicide victims. At least the number of people calling him out on it and showing their outrage and positive support for helping those with mental illness and who might be suicidal still leaves me with some faith left in humanity.

Today has upset me deeply. I have struggled with suicidal thoughts for some time, but the last few years have been the worst. What happened today has brought back those thoughts again. It's not what I wanted, so I'm just going to leave this whole thing alone for a while and return to it when I'm more in control again (and I'm damn sure I'm not the only person out there who would be experiencing these negative emotions as a result from this mess, so I hope they are getting the support they need as well).

Going to find some cute kitten videos to watch now, need to distract myself from these thoughts.

Update: As if this shit couldn't get worse, it's the next day and now there are an amount of offensive people out their defending this guy and it's just sickening. The stuff they are posting might even be considered worse then Logan's own actions. What he did was opportunistic without thinking, clearly ignorant of the situation he was in via his own arrogance. These people on the other hand clearly full on believe the shit that they are spewing out, not holding back in just how messed up they sound. What the fuck is wrong with the world today. This whole thing just makes me feel sick, so very sick.